How can I be most supportive of my best friend who has breast cancer?
My friend had a mastectomy but is undergoing chemotherapy that is making her sick. Now she fears that the cancer has gone to her bones as she is having severe pain in her knee and needs to use a walker to get around. Does anyone know if breast cancer can progress to bone cancer? Also what are some things I might be able to do to encourage her? She puts up a very brave and stoic front but I know she is frightened. Thank you.
Just continue being her best friend, try not to treat her any differently, a smile and a laugh are the best medicine you can give her.
I haven’t any personal experience, but I would guess it comforts your freind to have somebody to talk to, somebody she can trust, somebody she can tell her fears to. Being there for her is probably the best thing you can do and I’m sure she appreciates it.
Best wishes to you both.
Pamper her and just be htere for her in all ways but don’t like do it out of pity
Take her to her Dr visits. Help her with questions to the medical professionals. Sometimes you need to talk for them when they’re tired and weak. Breast cancer can indeed spread. Maybe find music that she likes. Find encouraging stories and books of other breast cancer survivors. Make her nutritious meals.
i agree with the first answer! do the things u use to did when she wasnt sick like nothing has changed … and just be there at any time if she wants to call you in the middle of the night or anything do it for her … i know shes also sad because she can feel that ur hurt too ….
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I know that cancer can spread, but breast cancer is one of the most successfully treated cancers there are so there is good reason for hope.
My wife had breast cancer 6 years ago. Her are some things that were most encouraging for her and the things that were not encouraging.
Not encouraging:
The endless suggestions that people gave us for natural medicine alternatives. My wife is a nurse, she wanted to use things that were proven, not an experiment.
People who tried to convince her that they could identify with her but really had never experienced anything like what she was going through.
People who offered the “cosmic answer” to why she was going through this.
What helped:
We had a lady who offered to bring meals over the day after she went though chemo. This was very appriciated.
We had a family who gave my wife a cleaning service that came in once a week and cleaned. This was appriciated.
I made a commitment never to leave the house in the morning unless everything was cleaned up and put away. My wife can’t rest in a messy house and I think this made a difference.
Lot’s of listening, but also lot’s of initiating conversation about normal everyday circumstances. When you have cancer, lot’s of people ask how’s it going. Answering this question a thousand times is very exhausting emotionally. My wife loved it when someone came along and talked exclusively about what was happening with them and she didn’t have to answer questions about herself.
Cards that express that you are thinking of this person without lines of optimizin from “rose colored glasses”. Simply “I’m thinking of you.” Is much more real and benificial than, “I know it’ll all work out in the end.”
Also, we have 3 kids. My wife appreciated families who reached out to our children and gave them a place to talk about their emotional ups and downs through the process. Our son was a teenager at the time. He rarely talked to us about what was going on and only asked one question. What we found is that he was talking to the parents of a friend of his and getting support there. Sure, we felt a little like we were out of the loop. But the important thing is he found a safe place to process his emotions. My wife found comfort in this.
Best wishes
Only thing you can do is be her friend. Let her know it is okay to put up that front, because I am sure you have put up a front just so she could not see your pain.
I´m with MrNiceGuy – like his answer!
Do what you can and most of all be her friend. Don´t back down or make an emotional conversation an awkward one – if she can dump her fears on you and you can sit and cry together you´re doing what most people can´t!! Absolutely priceless!
Unfortunately, her breast cancer can spread to all sorts of place including the bones. She needs more diagnostics to rule that out or verify it, just because some parts of her body hurt doesn´t mean those are metastases.
Good luck to your friend and I am so glad she has such a good and considerate friend that is trying to be there for her!!!!
The best medicine for a friend in need is, follow through support. What I mean is just do things for her that you know she would like. She may not ask or tell you, but just do them. Even if it’s just planning a relaxing day away from her problems. Making a meal, doing her landury, doing the chores she doesn’t really like to do. That’s a friend. Don’t wait to be asked.
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I pray this helps you and God bless your friend.
You have to be the greatest friend you have ever been to anyone in your whole life. Listen to your friend, hear what she is saying, and love her…Cry with her, laugh with her and let her know that you will be there for her no matter what. Cancer is so scary and to get better you have to go through so so many changes emotionally, physically, mentally,. I am hoping that your friends bone pain is from her treatment and not from the cancer spreading. Many times you have muscle aches and pain, bones hurt, sick to your stomach, hair falls out, you just feel miserable. Just try to encourage her to not let bad things creep into her mind. I know this is so very hard to do. People who have cancer like you said are very brave and very stoic because they don’t want the people around them to be sad because they are dealing with so much themselves. I will keep you and your friend in my prayers.
God-bless
No matter where it goes it is still breast cancer. yes it can go to the bone. They call it bony mets. She should talk to her doctor. They do scans to see if it has gone to other organs.
It is a very scary time for her. Today there is a lot of options and different treatments. Just be her friend and let her lead in what she needs volunteer your help but don’t be pushy. Best to you both